It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize