um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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