Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
