In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
nutella sex= disaster
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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