Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
