Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize