You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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