I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
