At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
