The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
