God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
