I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize