the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
