that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
