I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize