All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
