Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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