i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
