I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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