this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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