Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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