Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
