Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
