God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
