If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
where am i from again
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
