covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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