apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
