I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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