trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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