There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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