i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
