so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
