Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
