The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
