After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
