Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
