Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
