I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
