He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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