evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
