I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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