ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
