Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My room smells like vodka and shame
someone threw a dead crab at me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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