I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize