I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
