i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
