I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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