Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize