My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
