I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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