Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
