come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
