why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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