happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
