The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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