girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
