i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
