Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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