Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize