So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
