I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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