my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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