Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
