I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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