What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize