If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
