we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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