no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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