I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
