Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
