wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
