the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
