i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
