lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
