If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
