That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
