We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize