can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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