first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
