You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize