just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
