ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
