just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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