If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
