I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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