Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
