Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
