My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
