But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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